“The physical symptoms can hamper intimacy,” explains Nilanjana Bose, MD, a rheumatologist at Lonestar Rheumatology in Houston. That may include:
Joint pain and stiffnessFatigueVaginal drynessErectile dysfunctionNegative body imageDepression and other emotional issues
“The emotional aspect of dealing with a chronic condition can also easily make someone feel not up to it,” says Dr. Bose. Sexuality is an inherent part of human nature, though. It contributes to our well-being and self-identity. During sex, your body releases a chemical called oxytocin that not only makes you feel closer to your partner but may also help you manage RA symptoms such as pain and deal with anxieties you may have around managing a chronic condition. That’s all the more reason to foster a long-term healthy sex life.
RA-Friendly Tips to Boost Your Sex Life
While dealing with a chronic condition such as RA can be challenging in many ways, these simple measures can help boost your sex life.
1. Try something new.
Experiment with positions to find out what’s most comfortable. Use pillows for support to help take pressure off your joints. Ask your partner for a massage, which can help ease pain and loosen up your muscles while serving as foreplay.
2. Schedule romp sessions for when you feel your best.
Consider how you tend to feel throughout your day. If you’re stiff in the morning, it may not be the best time to get busy. If RA fatigue catches up to you at the end of a long day, you may feel more like taking a nap than being intimate. Try to plan your sexual activities accordingly.
3. Make an effort to boost your self-esteem.
Body image concerns, such as joint swelling or deformity, weight fluctuations, or water retention related to the RA itself or treatment, can crop up. Surround yourself with people who are there for you. Join a support group to connect with others who understand what you’re going through and can share tips on what works for them. Get involved in an advocacy group like the Arthritis Foundation to help empower yourself to overcome anything that affects your self-image.
4. Take steps to reduce stress.
Feeling overly worried or stressed out about sex — or RA itself — doesn’t lend itself to relaxing and enjoying an intimate encounter. Find strategies that help you manage your stress, such as listening to music, practicing deep breathing, exercising, or getting a massage.
5. Discover other ways to be intimate.
Keep in mind that intimacy does not always have to mean intercourse. Continue to build and foster a connection with your partner through gentle caresses, a deep conversation, or a snuggle session in front of the fireplace. Sharing a warm bath or shower may even help you loosen up enough to feel ready for a romp in the sheets. You can even lie on a heating pad or electric blanket if you decide to move things to the bedroom.
6. Keep an open line of communication.
Be open and honest with your partner. Make sure they know you aren’t purposely avoiding sex. Talk to them about the challenges you’re facing. Together, you can come up with a plan to maintain intimacy whether you’re having sex or not.
7. Talk to your doctor.
It can be difficult to open up to your healthcare provider about personal details, such as how RA may be affecting your sex life. Your doctor can help troubleshoot problems and suggest solutions. For example, if pain is an issue, try taking anti-inflammatory or pain medication before or after intercourse. If you’re dealing with vaginal dryness, a lubricant or estrogen cream may help. If you’re dealing with erectile dysfunction, talk to your doctor about prescription medication. “Some RA medications can impact libido and sex drive,” adds Bose, in which case switching to a new RA treatment regimen may help. If emotional issues are contributing to low libido, consider asking for a referral to a therapist or psychiatrist — and maybe even a sex therapist. “If this is something you’re having trouble with,” emphasizes Bose, “it’s important to get help.” Additional reporting by Sherry Christiansen
