What have you learned about stress that you didn’t know or that surprised you?

One is that for many people nowadays being stressed out and overwhelmed is the new baseline. It used to be the exception: You were stressed out because you had a confluence of circumstances. Now, young people in particular are being taught that if I’m not stressed out I’m not working hard enough; there’s more that I should or could be doing. In a way, being overwhelmed is seen as a sign of success. Downtime is a sign you’re not successful, since you have time that needs filling. The reality is that downtime is part of being successful; it enables success. It certainly enabled mine. I’ve learned that a lot of highly stressed people find it hard to ask for help — even with a project. Men may not ask because they want to seem strong and competent. Women may not ask because they don’t want to burden others. Either way, it comes down to this insane conviction that with everything I do, I always have to be overwhelmed and I need to do it all by myself. We’ve somehow convinced many young people that they have to project the image of what I call “effortless perfection.” I see it on college campuses and in high schools all the time: Perfectionism 2.0. RELATED: The United States of Stress: You’ll Never Think About Stress the Same Way Again Another sociologist argues it is a sign of elite belonging — this notion that the ultimate success is self-made, which is another myth. Successful people didn’t get there by themselves. And they know that. Finally, I’ve learned that we need to enable people to seek support in such a way that they don’t feel in any sense diminished.

What stresses you out?

I’m a single parent by choice. That stresses me out enormously, juggling career, house, dog, kid. I’m also self-employed, so there’s no steady paycheck. People who don’t meet my expectations? That’s a big stressor.

How do you manage the stressors in your life?

I exercise and try to eat well, simply, especially during the workday. I know what makes me tired: refined sugars, white bread. I go to therapy once or twice a week. And sometimes I meditate.

What would you recommend to help people lower their daily stress levels and function better in the midst of a stressful situation, incident, or moment?

Exercise and engage in breathing — mindful breathing. Take five breaths and feel your feet on the floor.

It was a natural part of my teaching leadership skills to girls for nearly a decade, and interviewing them about the pressure to be perfect. The result of those interviews was The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Girls With Courage and Confidence. As I grew up, my students did, too. Now, I run leadership development programs at corporations and universities, where I also help students practice self-compassion. Since I’m a parent to a girl myself, I’m equally passionate about coaching parents to model self-compassion and courage to their girls.

Have you ever experienced a meltdown? If so, where and why?

OMG, yes! After my first book came out, I was traveling all over the place promoting it. I was tired. I had left my kid at home. I didn’t have a lot of relationships tethering me. And there I was in the middle of the airport, having a complete meltdown: crying, frozen in place. I just couldn’t get on the plane. I ended up canceling the trip.